


Broken Hearts

by Aztecl



Series: Whumptober 2020: Natasha Romanoff [19]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Everyone Needs A Hug, Everyone is Dead, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I'm Going to Hell, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, POV Natasha Romanov, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Survivor Guilt, Whump, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27126620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aztecl/pseuds/Aztecl
Summary: In the wake of the Thanos snap, Natasha watches as her family leaves to get a life. Why couldn't she do the same?WHUMPTOBER NO. 19 - BROKEN HEARTSGrief, Mourning Loved Ones, Survivor's Guilt
Relationships: Natasha Romanov & Avengers Team, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Series: Whumptober 2020: Natasha Romanoff [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1949368
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Broken Hearts

Firing her gun, Natasha tried not to think about particles of dust flying into the sky in Wakanda and all across the world. _Universe,_ she corrected. There was a lot of people and cultures out there in the vast unknown part of space to humans like herself, and Natasha wasn't sure where everything ended.

Was there a start to the circle of life? An end reached when death inevitably consumes you?

Natasha unloaded her gun's clip into the target. She hated the word _inevitable._ Unavoidable. It was a constant reminder of her failure to save her family and everyone else from the big purple titan known as Thanos. How much suffering would he cause until it became enough? She stared at the midnight black glock in her hand. What was stopping Natasha from turning on herself and shooting the last bullet? Clint had given her this gun years ago, along with a new chance at life set on a road for redemption.

Now, Clint was MIA. Possibly dead like the rest of their teammates, friends, and family. A lump rose up in her throat. The archer had always been there for her, covering Natasha's back despite her insisting that she was fine by herself. Natasha was made by the Red Room, sculpted into a heavy statue of marble to weigh out emotions and anything else than the orders she was given. The Black Widow was and will always be a killer, no matter her true intentions.

Assassins and spies don't have friends. They certainly don't rely on family to annoy them, or make them eat and sleep, or to be there as a constant in Natasha's life. But here she was, mourning their loss.

Some were dead, gone with the wind (literally) as they dissolved into fine dust on the Wakanda battlefield. Others had been too absorbed in grief to continue to stay a resident at the Avengers Compound.

Thor had been the one to leave first. He'd woken up early and waited for his friends to wake up, wishing them good luck and saying goodbye. Then, the Asgardian went off towards New Asgard to care for his people. Natasha knew it was selfish to want him to stay, so she kept her mouth shut. It's not like she had anything worth saying either, especially as she watched the rest of her broken friends head inside to lose themselves to their thoughts once more.

She'd known Bruce would leave eventually. It only became more obvious when he cooped up inside his lab, sometimes with or without Tony. He skipped a lot of meals and Natasha's small attempts to invest everyone in watching movies or eating takeout together, just like they used to. Bruce approached Natasha wordlessly and embraced her in a hug one day. She was still surprised by her own willingness to have physical contact with someone, but hey, people change. He left the next morning.

Tony was officially married with Pepper. Natasha saw how he distanced himself between the others and — surprisingly — any new lab projects. Apparently, he was settled in on one thing, and that was the new home he bought with Pepper on a lakeside. Guilt had run its course through the man over the years. Instead of letting it swallow him, Tony and Pepper decided to move on and have a baby. Natasha was happy for them, especially when she bantered with Tony about whether it would be a boy or girl, much to Pepper's dismay. The title of the baby's godmother was an honor Natasha had hesitantly taken — a stark (no pun intended) jolt back to reality where Cooper and Lila and Nathaniel were gone. And their parents.

After those three were off living their lives, Steve and Natasha had just sat in comfortable silence. It didn't take long for them to fall back into a normal routine of laughing and eating takeout food, watching cheesy movies. But she wasn't stupid. Her laugh sounded hollow and fake. Every smile seemed strained. Their silence gradually grew fulfilled with screams of the past — both Thanos and before. "I've found a place in Brooklyn," Steve had told her. "Maybe Sam was right about therapy. I can help in a different way." Natasha had blinked tears from her eyes as she watched him hop on his motorcycle and leave like everyone else. Then she collapsed as soon as she couldn't see him anymore.

The lack of the usual homey touches was more obvious than ever before: Wanda's music, Sam's complaining about his morning runs with Steve, Clint and Tony's annoying chatter, and the teasing from Natasha — but who was there to tease at this point?

Bullet casings fell onto the gym floor, ringing in her ears with the resonating ghost of an echo. The target on the wall had several grey holes, devoiding the bullseye of any color. It was grey like dust. Colorless like the tears the world sobbed for their broken hearts.

Steve was supposed to visit today. He never came. Natasha thought about calling, even hovering her finger over the dial button, but ultimately decided against it. He was moving on and helping others, and Natasha got a sense of nostalgia at the rememberance of Sam's old job at the VA. Tony's name was right underneath Steve's in the contact list. Then Clint and Wanda and Bruce.

Taking a deep breath, Natasha pressed her finger to Clint's name. It rang for a few seconds before going to voicemail: "Hello, if you’re hearing this, that means I’m probably trying to avoid you — so don’t leave a message!"

Usually, it made her laugh as she pictured her best friend's shit-eating grin. Coulson also had a pretty good face when he first heard Clint's message, too, and Natasha smiled at the memory.

Memories. That's all that was left of her family.


End file.
